“Let’s take a walk, shall we?”

With a smile, Geoffrey turned toward the kennels. Mommy, Daddy, and Kid, the wide-eyed issue of their frenzied loins, obediently traipsed after him.

Geoffrey had seen some permutation of this story a hundred times. In an unrelenting campaign, Kid pitches fits for puppy until Mommy, whose Xanax and coffee klatch dates with other mommies couldn’t overcome the pressure, threatens Daddy with loss of connubial bliss until Daddy caves. And here the three land on the doorstep of the nearest Rescue Dog Center where Mommy’s exhaustive research leads her to the solution that will give her the greatest bragging rights.

Yeah, Geoffrey had them pegged. He thought of Kid. Poor little sod. Growing up with no boundaries. The dog he had in mind for them would get more training than Kid would. He even imagined they would hire The Dog Whisperer — hoping to be on Cesar’s NatGeo show, of course! — to solve the problem of the now out-of-control dog and give Mommy even larger bragging rights.

“Oh, yes. I remember when we were with Cesar Millan — you know him, right? — on his TV show. He was absolutely…”

If Geoffrey had his way, these people would not get to have a pet until they grew a pair and did right by Kid. But, his job was not to solve the world’s problems. His job was to keep a dog from getting killed. Therefore, a halfway decent home was better than dead and he stopped in front of a cage featuring a dog whose online description included the banner BEST FRIEND MATERIAL and loves snuggling with humans and can’t wait to curl up next to you on the couch.

“Let me introduce you to Barry. Listen, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Barry was rescued from…” Geoffrey looked around to make sure they were alone “…an animal trainer who supplies the Movie Business. We got his license removed.”

While Mommy tsk-tsked and Daddy was calculating cost and wondering what the neighbors would think as he yelled Barry, stop that!, Kid was bonding with Barry.

Geoffrey continued. “Barry has been in several movies. He was never the star animal, but always played supporting roles. You know, best friend of featured dog.”

“Oh, Barry,” Mommy said, bending down to let her fingers be licked, “you should’ve been the star. Yes, you should. Yeessss…sweet baby.”

“Mommy! Mommy! I like Barry. I want Barry.”

Thanks, Kid, right on cue. While Mommy and Kid were cooing over their new family member, Geoffrey whispered the tried-and-true deal sealer to Daddy, “Barry also comes with valuable gift certificates for a vet, pet sitter, groomer, and Pet World outlet. Get you over the hump of initial pet owner outlay.”

Geoffrey waved goodbye to Barry.
Another dog saved.
Another day over.